Hello! Thank you for reading and supporting Currents! This month’s stream of consciousness essay may be a downer and a little unhinged but it’s been that kind of a phase. I’ll be visiting India in February and I’m very excited. I can’t wait to be around family for a while. If any of you are around in Mumbai and up for a hang, let me know!
In other news, I finally wrote an essay on Ferrante’s Neapolitan series. Let me know what you think.

🌊 Hi, I’m Sachi, and this is Currents, a newsletter with stream of consciousness yapping. Thank you for reading! If you want to unsubscribe, the link is at the bottom. If you like this, share it with someone or say hello.

Seagulls of Bushwick

I’m drinking cup on cup of hot water/ green tea pleading my throat to feel slightly better. Despite my well planned onslaught of vitamins and herbal medicines days before it was fully formed, here we are, with a sore throat. Me and my cup of hot tea are watching a flock/group/pack/boy band of four seagulls. It is -1℃ and feels like -7℃ and they clearly don’t mind. I first noticed two of them when I moved to this apartment. One big seagull and a smaller sidekick like one. The big one has swooped to my balcony a few times. You’d think he’d perch there but he’d get close enough to alarm you and then fly away. I don’t mean this in a cliched I'm recuperating in a closed apartment and they’re flying out to their heart’s content way but rather why the fuck are they here? There’s no water nearby. The beach is really far away. I’m not remotely close to the East River. Why are these clowns hovering here? There is no food, only miserable humans.

I wanted to write an absolutely banger essay about winter and how I deal with it and feel good about myself but here we are, feeling like absolute crap. Is it me or is this winter colder? It’s a little bit of both. Turns out, looking for work with a low success rate without regular human interaction is really bad for you. Who would have thought? My weapon of choice against early sunsets during the winter is long walks. By long I mean over an hour if I have the time. Despite having a fairly good tolerance to cold weather, I lose my will to walk in the face of negative temperatures and winds. Having the wind slap my face relentlessly leaves me feeling worse off after the walk. Okay, so maybe I am a LITTLE envious of those seagulls, they look like they’re having so much fun, hanging out in a neighborhood they have no business being in. They quite literally come here for the vibes.

Bushwick is a somewhat cool neighborhood and I had no plans to move here. I don’t do cool things and it’s further from Manhattan than I would like. It’s the only apartment that worked out for me and my roommate in July last year. I must mention that we live in the significantly less cool part of Bushwick. The thrift shops, strangely dressed TikTok clones advocating personal style, the queer bars, and the underground music scene are all at least a 25 minute walk away. I live next to a cafe that shuts at midnight that reminds me of the cafe in Before the Coffee Gets Cold. This is the sort of cafe where time travel happens, mysterious encounters somehow conspire, and portals open. I would very much like to discover a portal and be tossed into a different reality because I’m exasperated with this one. I have been there a few times to read and no portals have opened yet but the staff is friendly. And also, odd seagulls and flocks of birds circle around this area every other day.

To make the most of a place like New York, you have to go out and let things happen. Hobby clubs, events, and talks are always taking place. There is something for every budget. All you need is the will to leave the house. This is something I no longer possess in 2025. I say yes to outings whenever anyone invites me. I’ll be grumpy as I get dressed and hate my choices as I change and haul myself to the nearest station. I might be cranky on the train ride as well. But I always feel better when I get off the train. It is always worth it. I’ll still go out with friends but the events to mingle with strangers feel infinitely harder. Being in a dark mental place turns your gaze sharply inwards. It makes you selfish and every conversation is a potential attack on your hard earned equilibrium. Everything isn’t about you, you know it, but your brain lies. I would rather not go to some of these things than answer the inevitable question of what I do for work. I suffer on LinkedIn and feel myself choke when I have to convince another pointless AI company why I’m the most outstanding designer that has touched a computer. Nobody is that extraordinary a designer. That’s what I do every day. I try not to complain incessantly and be bad company. (I’m aware that I’m probably being bad company now)

I have never had a normal interaction with a seagull. Has anyone? Both seagulls and I have feral reactions to someone opening a packet of chips. I have once been surrounded by over 30 seagulls when an errant chip flew from my hands. (Please give me chips over giving a seagull chips, it is safer and more satisfying, I will be grateful) The ones that visit Bushwick only come for a short period during the day. I wonder what their route is and what they think of different areas in Brooklyn. It probably all looks the same to them. I make up ideas of where they should be and shouldn’t be. They don’t care, New York is their playground. 

I have been toying with going into Seagull Mode™️ which is the opposite of Founder Mode. Human concepts don’t matter. Being ill helps. Lying on your back and staring at the sky, making up stories, and eventually napping is okay. It aids recovery. What would the annoying bird outside my window do today? Would it care about what humans think is important? I try to channel that annoying bird for some time in the day and it feels good. But being ill definitely helps, it takes away the guilt of not optimizing your life until you reach enlightenment in time to make it in a 30 under 30 list. When Seagull Mode™️ isn’t possible, I push myself to go to the gym because it’s in my building and a little amble on the treadmill is better than nothing. We need happy chemicals. This job market is not my fault nor are the layoffs or the nasty turns tech giants are taking. Are we bringing back masculinity to the workforce, Zuck, you slimy piece of crap? Does the seagull care about Zuckerberg’s doubts over his own masculinity? It does not.

I think the point of this bizarrely articulated ramble is that I’d very much like to wake up as a seagull one day like Gregor Samsa in Kafka’s Metamorphosis, steal chips from everyone and never have to update a resume again.

🎧 Podcasts

David Whyte - Seeking language large enough on On Being - David Whyte’s poems and interviews do good things for my brain and I revisit them often.

Susan Sontag - Do you speak the language of pictures and videos? on Philosophize This - I’ve been reading Susan Sontag’s essays and being blown away by how she doesn’t shy away from stating what she believes. This podcast makes philosophy easier to understand and takes you through Sontag’s views on images in the 70s, which feels more relevant than ever before.

🧠 Music

Song designed to make you feel less anxious - BAGELS

May you be happy with your humanity and not dream of morphing into a bird that you’re not particularly fond of.

Until next time,
S